Day 2 summer ED challenge

Finding it choppy and not as well organized as previous challenges, which of course means the motivation needs to be all internal. There isn’t the “community” over there that there has been every other time, it’s the community that brought me back. maybe I’m just missing it because there are too many places to check.

the exercises for today were in little Utube installments, very choppy and inefficient, but feel nicely warmed up after doing them. Again, trainers in baggy clothes, really? I keep telling them the best way to motivate us is to let us see their lovely bodies!!! basic psych 101…we will follow beauty. That’s part of why I love Dax, that man is beauty in motion!

DAX MOY’sSummer ED challenge

Well, it’s been almost a year since I’ve been on here, and wow have I made progress! So nice to have not back tracked (for once). Gosh I didn’t even remember how to do this. I do have another blog that I did with the 1st challenge the previous Jan.
It was good to re-read ED. I do eat really cleanly, just my decaff fav. tea. That will the the hardest thing to give up as I drink that most days…not so bad, really. I wonder if I can get the non pasteurized yoghurt around here, and I wonder just how nasty it is? LOL. I’d like to do new photos in the same outfit to compare to end of last challenge, but I think they’ll actually fall off me. I may dig them out for fun. For sure that bra would look ridiculous…way way smaller in that area. I should probably do the bikini thing so we can see the changes at this point…maybe I’ll take some for myself. I don’t think I could post them even with out my head! I’m small now, but looking my age I’d say LOL. Hey, it’s still progress and it’s nice to revist the old just to remember how far I’ve come.

Dax Moy’s Summer ED challenge

Figuring out how to make it all work and integrate into what I have been doing, that is working! Right now trying to get this time zone right..wondering if I should have one more cup of my fav. tea tonight, or forget about it already LOL.
I’m here for a week, but then out of town a lot the month of July. The eating will be easy, I’ll just take my food….(my daughter won’t be happy if it means no restaurants!), but not sure about the exercise expectations yet. No one has answered if we’re doing the 4X per day. I don’t think I am…. maybe by the 3rd and 4th week I can. Trying to wrap my head around it all.

Trust

The biggest piece for me is …which, I didn’t realize until just after I had sent that email, was I felt that they didn’t trust me. The judgment about my ‘diet’ said to me that they didn’t trust me, don’t trust my judgment. Surprisingly that made me wonder if I should trust myself, after all, my history was shaky…even though I know it was their stuff around their own bodies!

I feel grateful for this vulnerable state I’ve been in. I am glad for the opening of that wound, because this way it can be healed. I’m glad my husband is gone this week, because I might have gone into that old pattern of blaming him for how I was feeling….which is one way I’ve avoided these feelings in the past (in addition to eating). And it feels so great & different that he and I are exploring this process together. I’m so glad that he is eating healthier.

I’ve already made huge progress in my healing. I’m feeling expectant and excited as I shape the me I want to be: emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically….physically last.

And, I am committed to my progress because I trust myself. I trust my judgment and my research. I trust my alignment with my inner being and how I am feeling. And I approve of MYSELF. I approve of my journey and my now. I trust that I have learned and am learning and that my progress is continuing. I accept my choices and their results in the past and in the future. I accept myself.

I do have a specific list of how I could have been supported and I get now that I really can do that for myself. My fear was what made me think I needed someone else to help me. But I trust myself and I am not afraid. I have not failed in the past, it’s just all been part of the journey to my now. I do appreciate this moment and where I am at and I am clear about what I am creating for myself.

The Key to Permanence

This weekend I was with a group of very close women. We meet every month (for 9 or 10 yrs). I was excitedly sharing my new “plan” and how this time it will be different and what I’ve learned,
etc. Now they think what I’ve been doing is absolutely crazy and I will just rebound again, especially since I did after Jan. I was shocked, and hurt…because I think I’m so congruent this time. Now I did not share in the several pies (or any of the group food actually), and a couple of them are very large so even at my fattest, they didn’t understand why I wouldn’t just ‘accept’ myself.

I was really astonished at how deeply this impacted me, although in their defense, over the last 9 yrs, they have seen me go through every thing out there, complete with slow reductions and then fast gains. I did write them an email about how I felt. My 13yo daughter
offered me feedback that I was being too vague and I needed to be more direct. (She’s brilliant, and we proceeded to have a beautiful 2 hr talk about life and body image and health & boys, etc) I did, and I felt much better and thought I was letting it go. However, I slept quite fitfully, then the day after, Monday…was the very first day I have struggled with food! I wanted everything in sight or rather in thought! I am fully committed to myself, so I didn’t, but it felt heart wrenching. How could I possibly allow someone else’s personal stuff to impact my focus, my desire….my success! Let’s just say I have been experiencing an abundance of emotions!

Each time a new “desire” came up, I wrote about it, attempting to talk myself back into a better feeling place….which made me quite unavailable to my kids most of the day. We did take the dogs for a walk. Afterwards I thought that was a stupid idea because it was so HOT outside. But I did feel better after coaching my son’s baseball team in the evening. All I have to say is thank goodness I was busy and moving.

The one person I felt the most negativity from has not responded , (addition, she did respond and said she does NOT support me because she thinks I’m abusing my body with another fad diet!) and when one person in particular responded to my email I actually got all teary-eyed. I was not even aware I wanted that approval. I was actually shocked!

But doesn’t it all boil down to that? Approval…who do we want it from? Why does that matter? Who does that person remind of us? Or who do they represent to us? What family history does that bring up for us?

I do know that for permanent changes the deeper emotional layers must be cleansed/released. I’ve been working on myself for years and each time I thought I had it! I patiently continue to peel it away (and I’m not that messed up…I’d say my level of dysfunction is the most normal thing about me).

The key is when do we approve of ourselves? When is my approval all that matters? Approving of myself leads to accepting myself which leads to balance.
And balance really is the ultimate goal.
With balance both food and exercise WORK. They will be just right.
They will be part of our lives but not dominating our lives.

I say I am committed and I feel I am committed. Time to be more specific:
I am committed to myself, to my health.
I am committed to feeling good and to focusing on good.
I am committed to progress and focusing on now, not yesterday or yesteryear.
I am committed to being present; this means conscious eating, eating with purpose and clear intention.
I am committed to feeling good in my body; this means loving affirmations and loving movements.
I am committed to self exploration, especially if I find I have a “charge” over something/anything.
I am committed to nourishing my soul.
I am committed to honouring my desires and my commitments.

I release the desire to fix others, to heal others.
I release the desire to make myself less for others to feel more.
I release the pattern to hide myself so someone else might shine.

I fully accept that I am important, that my desires are important, that I know what I want and
I fully accept that I deserve what I want and I can have it, fully and completely.
I accept that I get to dream big by having the small body I really want.
I and I alone have stopped myself in the past, and I and I alone am creating my now and my future.

This is my moment.
This is the moment….balance, alignment, congruence…allowing, acceptance, openness.
This moment is great and each gets greater and greater.
My body and I are friends, partners.
We work together, we share, we play, we move, we laugh….we come together…..
we are one…in harmony, in balance and with trust.
I trust my body, I trust me.
TRUST! YES!! TRUST…time to Trust….I can do this, I am doing this, it is happening.
I trust, I feel, I believe.
Joy, happiness, ecstatic glee…… YES!

I feel good, I feel proud of myself. I am at peace with my body, with myself.
I deserve all good things.
I am grateful for my journey, for it all plays into this moment.
I feel deep gratitude in general and for hundreds of specifics.
I feel nourished and full, by ME, by my commitment to myself and trust of myself.

Now, I am a good role model for my daughter.

What about you?
How do you move to the next level for yourself?
What holds you back? What compels you forward?
What want/desire is stronger than ANYTHING else?

After time!

Before and After: one month later…didn’t work out the last several days, wisdom tooth extraction and TOM….coulda shoulda woulda…..

drum roll…..Weight reduction 13 lbs (5″1″)

Very happy with results for such a short time period….especially for me, with my history. Dax Moy is THE BEST!!! I love the man…in so many ways!

Size reduction in inches: Neck .25″

Under arms: 2″

Boobs: 2″

True Waist: 2.5″

Belly Button 2.5″

Hips: 1.75″

Arms: .5 ” each, total 1″

Upper Thigh: Rt 1″. L 1.25″ total 2.25″

Lower Thigh: Rt .75″. L .5″ total 1.25″

Calf: Rt .75″. L .5″ total 1.25″

Grand Total: down 16.75 inches!!!  Official measure spots Total 10.75″

impacted wisdom tooth, oh my

I had an impacted wisdom tooth removed on Friday. I tried to push it until after our month was over, but Fri was the furthest my dentist would agree to. So the last few days are a big blurr. Meds made my weight go up, although food has not been an issue LOL. My face is still quite swollen. I took just 1/2 my meds last night so I could stay awake for the fireworks, I was awake, but in pain…. (didn’t think it would last this long).

Good to know the meds haven’t slowed down my period, that’s right on schedule…ahhhgggg, so I have that on top of poisoning my system with all these meds and antibiotics AND no exercise since Thurs…..what a great way to end with a bang! I wonder how long it will take to flush this stuff out of my system? Ah well, it needed to be done and I guess I can look at it as a more permanent poison was removed from my mouth.

Sad though, I was doing so well!

But honestly, it’s more than sad, I am truly bummed! I wanted to end strong! I knew the dentist appt was coming up and I knew my period should start, so I don’t know what I was thinking….I guess I didn’t think it would mean no exercise for so many days and so much pain.  And this was the 3rd dentist trip during this program. I do feel frustrated, but I do know it had to be taken care of. So I don’t feel there’s any point in measuring etc. until later this week, as I’m all bloated and weird right now.  not sure what day this officially ends…tomorrow? wed? i didn’t actually start on the 7th cause I was where?? at the dentist??? why not do i take care of it all? oh yeah, cause now my husband can get time off to drive me!  So maybe if i figure i really started on the 9th and then re-do on the 9th…that would be a bit more accurate I think.

A few things for certain: I am not going off of ed, not yet…well if you don’t count all the MEDS….actually, that probably means I need to go back on really strictly to clean my system out!  I hate antibiotics, at least they will be done today.  Then I need to detox and clean out my liver again and i’m sure it’s way more polluted than at the beginning of our month.  OK, this is depressing me, can’t go there.

Not sure I can even go to baseball practice today, I’m so spacey…I could be a danger.  I think a hot bath is in order…and more tulsi tea…heard about that just in the nick of time!  I’ve been having a cup of that each day…with a squeeze of lemon.

fancy scale

So I got a new scale last week, I splurged and got a good one (I thought) that has a whole memory thing.  I just sat down and took a look at my result. It supposedly measures body fat, bone density, and water %.

My old scale did body fat and I thought it was complete BS cause it never really changed, no matter what my weight did.

This one is kindof fun because it goes in .2 increments…only feeding my neurosis no doubt. so all the numbers have changed quite a bit in this week, both up and down. there is no way my bone mass has shifted all the way from 4.6 down to 3.8 on another day, and really I only have 4lbs of bone?  my water has varied from 42.7 down to 35.9….I guess I didn’t get enough water that day, and my Body Fat has had a 9% variance …I guess that number has to do with my water% that day…well I think it’s all a bunch of crap.  OH, it also does BMI, but doesn’t store that info for some reason and this thing says my BMI is WAY better than my body fat.

bottom line, I don’t get it!

but I must say even a .2lb reduction is kinda fun, whereas the old scale in 1/2 lb increments would have said nothing good!  And I’m down .8 from yesterday.  Seems so neurotic to me…to be that precise LOL, but I’ll take it.

Body is feeling good/focus

In Jan. I remember beginning to kind of freak out about this time, I got kind of frantic, actually. So I feel mentally more prepared now. I did not drop any wt. at all the last week and only 1/2lb the 2nd to last week (but I did reduce inches), so I’m actually ahead of the game this time….Nonetheless, to break my patterning, I’m placing my focus elsewhere. This whole thing is such a process…weight loss, increasing strength, body image….. Each time, in the past, I have thought I have it mastered or at least handled, and months later results have proven me wrong. Because I do want different results, I know I have to do something different, which begins with thinking differently. I’m hoping my new focus is just the thing I need.

I notice I feel much better, I feel stronger, my posture is better, I like the way I’m moving much better..I feel “tighter” and I like that a lot! And that is my focus, how much better I feel!
And this time, I’m committed to me until I’m happy about where I’m at, so the end of our month really means nothing to me…In my mind I’m thinking the end of summer food wise (& I’ll see about the exercise, maybe 2X a day?), so planning for all summer seems to be helpful for me this time. That’s another 8 weeks, and that could do the trick.

I think I feel less frantic this time, because in my mind, this really is permanent….again…this time!
I wanted to slap myself silly for throwing away all my hard work in Jan., but I am taking that lesson in.

One thing I know for sure, is I will be very careful at the end of this, for I will not be gaining back even one ounce. Nothing is worth going backwards to me. I will think of those nasty bodyweight exercises and just say NO to crap and YES to moving my body.

And I can’t tell you how much I am LOVIN removing the pressure to eat breakfast! That has been so huge for me!

Dax, yet another element for which I am thankful!

squats: ready position

I am no longer cursing at squats.
My husband and I decided to coach our son’s baseball team again this summer…8-10 year olds.  Our first practice was last evening. So we have them out there, and I’m teaching them ready position…legs wide, knees bent, on the balls of the feet. I have them warm up/loosen up in this position, swinging their arms, moving their weight from one foot to the other… and then I tell them that on our team this is called “The Monkey”…and they need to make monkey sounds as they are moving…loudly…as loud as me.  Everyone thought it was hysterical, including all of their parents. I have them do this each time we gather.
This year, I must say, I was better able to demonstrate AND stay in position from all these squats!
I was also much better at grounders!  And we even did lunges for warm ups and I ran around the bases with the kids, not even thinking about the parents seeing my jiggling arse in the wind, cause I know it’s less jiggly every day!

Small miracles, no more cursing at squats….now lunges are entirely different.